Thresholds

On Wednesday April 1st, I woke up to the news that Muttrah had been identified as the epicenter of COVID-19 in Oman and would accordingly be isolated from the rest of the country until further notice. The souq had already been closed, but now all shops and restaurants would be closed except the pharmacy, Muttrah Health Centre, and a few of the shops selling food. Police stood at every intersection and patrolled in cars to enforce the instructions to wear masks and stay home unless absolutely necessary. Overnight, the once bustling city of Muttrah fell silent.

Thankfully, I am an introvert, so my experience of being isolated at Al Amana Centre in Muttrah was not as bad as it could have been. However, time grew slow; days turned to weeks turned to months. Peaceful solitude became anxious isolation. This once rejuvenating retreat became a suffocating confinement.

I spent 75 days trapped in Muttrah before the lockdown was finally lifted. If you’re having a hard time imagining how long 75 days is, it included my 25th birthday, Easter, Mother’s Day, Pentacost, the entirety of Ramadan and Eid. I had a fever and was too sick to leave my bed for 17 days. I finished 10 books, learned to do a handstand, tried desperately to focus on my work and Arabic studies (often failing to do so), and cried every single day. Black Lives Matter protests captivated national and international headlines, and I watched the police tear-gas and shoot my friends with rubber bullets on Facebook Live. I cried harder. And then I stopped because a White woman crying about racial injustice doesn’t solve anything. And I began a period of focused internal work against racism. My isolation became a liminal space of sorts; a private threshold in which I could explore my own mind and all its dark corners. 

Through reading books, watching documentaries, and meeting weekly on Zoom with my family to discuss racism, I am working to understand the racial injustices I never learned about in school. And I am paying more attention not only to how I view race in America but also in Oman. During my 75 days in Muttrah, I did not see another White person. Every time I set foot outside my house people watched and stared; I had lost the privilege of anonymity. And yet, despite being the extreme minority, I still possess unearned power because of my race.

In Oman, my light skin color, my English language, and my American passport give me absurd privilege compared to other migrant workers. On the first day of the Muttrah lockdown, I was able to talk my way through the police boundary to go to Lulu’s Hypermarket but Asok, the Al Amana Centre driver who is Indian, was immediately turned away. The protests in America were written about daily in Omani newspapers, and they have sparked new discussions for me with my Omani friends about racism.

I believe the USA, and indeed the world, are in a season of transformation right now. An American friend said, “This all feels like the apocalypse.” And in fact, the word apocalypse comes from the Greek apokaluptein meaning to uncover or reveal, so in a sense, yes, something deeper is being revealed, especially for White Americans who might be seeing the expansive racial injustices of our nation for the first time. For me, as a Christian and soon-to-be seminarian, racism is not a political or social issue – it is a God issue. And anti-racism is a daily spiritual practice. Anti-racism is also a tool for strengthening interfaith relationships. The conversations I’m having with my Omani friends about countering racism as people of faith has not only deepened our mutual trust but expanded my understandings of Islam, Christianity, and God.

When the streets of Muttrah were finally unblocked, I leapt across the threshold with joy and relief. I am exceedingly thankful for the freedom to shop at grocery stores, order takeout, drive along the coast, exercise outdoors, and visit friends in person. But one of the strange phenomena of liminal spaces is that even when others perceive you to be the same, you by definition emerge changed. I do not feel like the same woman who woke up to the Muttrah lockdown on April 1st. I feel changed. A professor once told me, “Transformation happens when we are not in control.” So perhaps I have the lockdown to thank for thrusting me into a liminal space of self-critique and discovery. Perhaps all of us who are facing uncertainty or mourning a previous way of life will discover that we are, in fact, standing on the edge of a new threshold, an opportunity for transformation.

This article was originally written for the summer newsletter of Al Amana Centre. You can read the full newsletter here.

If YOU are interested in continuing your own education about White Supremacy and Racism in America and are looking for resources, please comment or email me. I’d be happy to share some of personal recommendations and more extensive lists that I am finding helpful.

Also, the Episcopal Church has a pretty great list here: Resources for Racial Reconciliation and Justice


2 thoughts on “Thresholds

  1. Emma, happy you are finally feeling better. God is good and he will see you through this as I trust he will see me through. It is very hard and and without my faith, it would be much worse. I trust he will Bring both you and I through this horrible crisis we find ourselves in right now. Wonderful hearing from you. We all miss our breakfast gatherings and the friendship of our friends. Isolation is not a good thing at my age but we must make the best of it – hopefully things will change in the not too distant future. My love to you and take good care of yourself. As always, Jo Tyler

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    1. Dearest Jo,
      It is so great to hear from you! My heart is with you even if I physically cannot be. I agree with you that God will indeed sustain us through this storm. And I pray that the breakfast group will be able to safely resume one day. You (and the rest of the group) brought so much joy to my time at St. Mark’s.
      Stay well, Emma

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